My Addiction

I would never have imagined that breaking up with someone would be so hard. I mean, yes I knew it would be hard, but I never expected it to take so damn long to get over someone. Why is this??

I was thinking the other day about when you fall in love with someone, you become addicted to them, totally. That is why the initial feeling of being in love is so magical. Its like being high on some type of hallucinogenic drug. Everything is new and amazing and since you are both so high, you naturally pump each other up even more (excuse the pun here …LOL). This is the reality of it all.

So when things don’t work out – you are naturally going on an intense detox and are going to go through massive withdrawal symptoms.

I know this may sound really simple, but it is true – you have spent months, weeks and sometimes years being addicted to this person or this feeling of love and romance and having someone acknowledge and love and care for you. It is very potent stuff.

Sometimes though you have spent a really long time being resentful and this ironically helps you to get over this addiction, because mentally, in your mind you have been unconsciously preparing yourself for this .. its like a slow process of coming off this drug.

Other times, you find out that your partner has betrayed you and wham you get this big fat shock … and then you end the relationship and you have to deal with no longer having your drug and a struggle with your self as you question your worthiness. So this is probably one of the hardest ways to end an addiction …definitely the equivalent of stopping heroin cold turkey …. I recon it could definitely kill you if you allow it to….

Back to original point – I have generally always gone from one relationship into another – so I guess that maybe that is why this time is so difficult – there is no one else. I have chosen it this way, because right now in my life I need to do this part of my journey on my own. But it just keeps striking at me that this is really hard.

I mean the first few weeks were hell – literally I recon that if hell existed – when you lose someone you love – this is definitely a taste of hell.. Your whole world literally falls apart – you cannot breathe in and when you do manage to put the cigarettes down for five minutes and actually manage to take a deep breathe – you lungs decide that its about time they close the exit valve and so you cannot breathe out.

Your heart feels like if it was to get any more pain – it could literally explode or emplode or something and all that would be left would be a shriveled up piece of wet and soggy charcoal.

Okay okay – enough about that … I could write a book about that … hey now there is an idea ….LOL!

Back on track here ….

So this was probably my hardest break up EVER! And although I am having really good days now – I still have these days where I am very low and I miss him so dam much. Just makes me think – once and addict always and addict.

So my point to this long post is that I have given up a really potent drug and this man that I loved so much is this drug and so I suppose that its okay to have withdrawal symptoms every now and again … and that I need to allow them to come up and allow them to pass……..