Faith and Trust

I am currently faced with a massive change in my life and although I keep being told to trust and have faith - I am finding this excruciatingly difficult right now.

There is a strong part of me that really does not like this lack of control and this feeling of utter helplessness. I want to be able to control this situation, i want dates and plans and a list of what needs to be done. Is this not how we operate??

There is an immense panic happening as this big event draws nearer because in my mind I had played out what was going to happen in some type of sub conscious timeline and now everything has not fallen into place. So now what? I panic ... I get angry .. I get really really scared..what if I have made a mistake? What if what i thought would happen does not happen?? What then? I know I will be fine if this does not happen - but how do I know either way... its so dam frustrating.

I am in no-mans land right now - in between, stuck in the middle of nothingness with no direction. Perhaps that is the answer, I have no direction right now ... and maybe its because I am not meant to have direction... maybe I am meant to just stay put and wait and see ...grrrrrrr. I hate that ... it really does suck. Surely there should be some type of sign, surely the universe can grace me with some type of indication that everything is alright ... wait, it already has...

And yet, I still have this worrying feeling that things might collapse under me - but again its an illusion, its ego I guess. In the end everything will be okay. Its the bits in between that seem to get in the way. It the hours and hours spent worrying about something.

I keep being reminded to just stay in the now and everything will fall into place, but this constant nagging and worrying and this total feeling of helplessness sometimes gets the better of me.

So today I choose that these feelings of fear and worry do not consume my attention and rob me of my joy and I acknowledge that no amount of worrying and stressing and shouting and screaming will make anything happen any faster - all it does is literally rob me of the present and take me out of my place of joy and peace. It does not fit into the higher good who is me, who is you, who is all things.