Say what??

Okay so first off, I was watching Oprah the other day and she mentioned on live TV in front of the entire world that she was depressed. hellelulia!!!!!!

I have no idea why as soon as she said that I burst into tears.

Maybe it was because she is this really rich woman, who comes accross as always being in control or at least having tons and tons of people all around her all the time who can help her, guide her - carry her if necessary. And because I have always had this perception of her being happy and at peace .. another perfect picture.

Maybe it was a case of just actually breaking another illusion down completely or maybe it was because i can relate to how she was feeling. The number one reason for her entire depression was because she never took care of herself .. she never made time for herself and she never put herself first ... and that is exactly it ... ALL OF IT!

When we take the time to take care of ourselves and connecting with ourselves - everything else seems to make more sense. When take the time to show love for ourselves - things are easier, priorities become obvious and our true self comes shining through.

So how do we do this practically though - how do you love yourself, how do you show yourself the same respect you would to another person, with the same energy you would for a child??

Start first off by asking yourself this one question:

WHAT DO I WANT ??

When I first asked myself this question - it was really quite messed up that i could not even answer it. It scared this @#$% out of me more than anything else, because in truth - I had no idea what I wanted. No cooking clue.....

Then I stared thinking about all the things I wanted - like i wanted to nice happy fun job, I wanted to be a good mom, I wanted to be debt free, I wanted all this stuff ... but when i looked at it and asked why ... why do I want all these things??? Because I think they will make me happy, because then everything will be fine .... and it dawned on me that although these were all nice and everything - what would happen if I dont get these things ... does that mean I am doomed to be unhappy. Is life really that volatile - there must be more ....

So the next thing that came up was that I want hapiness - I want to be completely and utterly happy with my life. Okay, so what do I need to do to get happy?? So I did some research and looked at all this stuff about "GET HAPPY NOW" and did a whole lot of stuff to make myself happy. Including affirmations, self help books and a whole host of other stuff... and with all this searching for hapiness - i was the most unhappy I have ever been in my entire life. So what was I doing wrong?? Why cant I do this? Why cant I just be happy?

Eventually in the midst of a very bad depression, I realised that hapiness is just an illusion. There is not one single real person I know who is happy all the time. It is just not reality .... It may be a harsh reality - but it is the reality.

After much suffering, I finally realised that what I truly wanted in all of this was actually peace - an overall calm feelng that everything was going to be okay. No matter what ... and so my journey began.

So today, I challenge you:

What is it that you want??